Managing Frustration: Know Your "Should" Rules

If you often feel triggered at work or at home and notice frustration arising regularly, you may benefit from understanding how anger, frustration at a higher level, is connected to your "Should" Rules. These are subconscious, self-imposed rules that have developed over time based on the feedback you've received from family, communities, religious groups, political affiliations, and peers.

We all carry an internal list of rules about what people “should” or “should not” do. When someone or something breaks one of these rules, it often triggers a strong emotional response, usually anger, because it feels like a violation of fairness or respect.

Many people assume that anger only surfaces when they are directly attacked, either verbally or physically. However, more often than not, no one is intentionally attacking you, they are simply following their own "should" rules, which may conflict with yours. Becoming aware of your "should" rules and accepting that others have their own will help you regulate frustration more effectively, improve communication, and reduce conflict at work. CBT strategies can support you in building this emotional flexibility and creating a more balanced response to daily stressors.